So we think this situation is far more complicated than just the actual sexual touching amongst children. The mind will spend hours making up stories or possibilities, some might be true, some not. What we can do is deal with the symptoms. We do get a lot of people on here worried they were abused, as youll see in the comments, because of feelings or dreams or not liking sex. She low key senses something. We keep silent and spend our whole lives feeling good enough when really we did nothing wrong at all, we just were unfortunately in the wrong place at the wrong time or met the wrong person.A small(yet horrible) incident becomes a giant monster that controls us. While the signs of sexual abuse vary, you provided several major indicators including negative and fearful feelings . I only remember being in the moment while having sex with my ex boyfriend a hand full of times because I would constantly zone out. And what matters about abuse is not exactly what did or didnt happen, but that if you feel you were abused, you get help with the symptoms it has left in your life and find ways to manage despite them. I really cant touch her breast, thighs, butt or genitalia. We wish you courage! And finally just to say, growing up can be really hard, especially if you dont feel safe and taken care of. Trauma is too powerful. It doesnt have to be sexual abuse. I cannot even remember any of the good moments. On a personal level, you have to determine if it is guilt due to family/religion/cultural filters that upsets you, or if you feel you were coerced, or a bit of both, and then work through the emotions. Hi, Shes the kind of mom who would tell me that Im fine if I said I didnt feel well (not if I was actually puking though). Take time alone to journal, to do things that you enjoy, be as kind to yourself as you can. As you say, you are coping, and thats great. Anyway both of our parents came down and I immediately started crying. I cant go to a psychologist because my mother wont take me if i asked she would just start to ask questions and id have to tell her and I dont trust the school counselor enough since im new at that school. I told him to be the photographer and I would be the model. Thank you for getting in touch. The only thing to do is focus on getting help with the symptoms. Was I Sexually Assaulted? Take The Quiz - Her Lawyer I just hope she will eventually go find the files and start to heal. Now that Im an adult, Im understanding in more depth the abusive things she used to do to me, and how that affected me until today. if you read through the comments, youll see that we talk about this issue of being sure a lot. Otherwise, read our article on how to talk to your parents about mental health http://bit.ly/talktoparents . Do you feel you have to have sex? That is very traumatic and a horrible thing for a child to experience and could quite easily be the root, leading to the classic signs of being molested as a child you are exhibiting, including having no sexual boundaries around men, using sex to abuse and punish yourself, a lot of confusion and guilt about desire, seeing any sexual experience as bad, and a freeze response when stressed. Hi there Daniella, we have a full article that addresses just this here https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/child-sexual-play-abuse.htm. I do remember having nightmares and waking up being scared. i dunno, maybe im just being paranoid but something about it is just off i think. The kid have been convinced that he was molested and that his father did it to him. I know it sounds weird but I remember getting dressed but I dont remember being naked? The counsellor at school might be able to help you find someone, or, if you are at college yet, most colleges and universities now provide low-cost counselling for students. The last thing that happened was me jumping on her bed, trying to wake her up. Best, HT. Child Sexual Abuse Awareness & Prevention- FP Pt7. Which is an extreme form of reparenting not actually recommended or approved by therapy regulatory boards. Shame about sex (society instills it, regardless of parenting), dreams about sexual encounters with parents. wedgies. I didnt know what sex was (like, penetration and such), so Im wondering how I got that idea in the first place, Because when I had sex ED in school, I remember thinking oh, so sex isnt only mouth to genital, but how in the world did I know that? We have an article on how to ask your parents if you can see a counsellor here http://bit.ly/talktoparents. It was not a good feeling at all. Im terrified of the thought of doing it and I wish I understood it. Is that more realistic? I have been experiencing most of the symptoms listed. Ive been treated for depression my whole adulthood (was depressed as a child) and diagnosed bipolar I in my early fifties. I also was inserting things into me when I was only 10, and Im not sure where I got that idea. A lot of what you wrote I related to as well. We wish you courage. We say this for various reasons. (5 years). Although I can contribute those issues to other factors, the things that seem to me like the biggest evidence are other things I am absolutely terrified of having anyone apart from a partner looking at my genitals (doctors, aestheticians etc) to the point where I cry and have a panic attack even just thinking about it happening. My mother was bipolar so I wasnt raised in a nice environment and I might have PTSD due to this. If you are 18+ that generally means you wouldnt need parental approval. She would disguise it as a game we would play like princesses etc She would also go and do similar things to me. The 'Am I Being Sexually Harassed?' Quiz - EasyLlama The "Am I Abused Quiz" - VerbalAbuseJournals.com It is a really good idea to find someone to talk to. First of all, look into low cost counselling, of which a lot is available bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. So something to consider. Physical abuse, a mother who was not mentally or emotionally present to give you the support and love any child needs, moving country.you are absolutely right that its not right to dismiss any of this, and it makes us sad you saw a counsellor who didnt seem able to see you were suffering so much, possibly even from trauma-induced PTSD if you are always anxious and jumpy. Sounds like you are going through a lot. But until they invent a time machine, we just cant. Most of our sex life is me enjoying the first 3 minutes and then just the dread of wanting it over. Thanks. But now there is this niggling feeling that SOMETHING happened to me as a little girl. Im in a relationship with a girl and I really do love her so much. First of all congrats on being brave enough to see the counsellor! Wed also say that all kinds of trauma can produce the symptoms you are talking about, not just sexual abuse. Also I read all of the symptoms and I have all of them I dont know what to do without my parents finding out. We are glad you are currently in a safe space. In cases of trauma, support is highly advisable. A wiped out memory for certain parts of your childhood can be an indicator trauma of some form took place. I do remember being grasped and rubbed in certain areas by my neighbor when I was younger. In fact many people dont have sex until well into their twenties and in our books that is normal too. I feel like Im going crazy. They also showed me porn. after that i became self conscious, and devoleped anorexia. Im worried that I may have been abused by my dad. I think I was sexually abused when I was younger, but I have no memory of it at all. Most schools offer free or very low cost counselling, please see what your school offers and dont be afraid to go and use the service. I just feel like that is only way to make them happy and to stay. Memories can come back at anytime. I know that they emotionally abused me, and thats what caused me to brush off the idea of sexual abuse. You have to reach out for support. Because you are young, you would need parental approval to talk to a therapist in most countries. Just that our countrys people, family and in schools they taught us that we should keep ourselves clean ( sexually ) and not touch or anything with the other sex. Answer these questions, and we will tell you whether you were abused as a child or not. Theres a counselor at school but they have to notify my parents if they think somethings really wrong and i dont feel comfortable with them knowing really. (e.g. Well then we will gladly tell you it wasnt your fault. You will be doing this from a vulnerable place, and can put yourself at risk of attack and manipulation. Theres no real therapist in my town as far as I know except all the outreach centers but I know everyone working there and dont feel safe going there. The game was just him touching us or exposing himself to us but I was curious at that age and I feel like its not valid abuse because I didnt say no. Harry Potter House Quiz: Which Hogwarts House Do You Belong To? Its important to understand what qualifies as, It is now recognised that sexual abuse does not even have to involve physicality to be extraordinarily damaging to a child and the future adult they will become. Now the problem is that I dont know why Im like this, I have had homosexual relatives in my life growing up, uncles but it wouldnt be fair for me to think that because of that I have blocked away memories of things being done to me, but something must have happened to me when I was younger to be acting like this? If you were abused, then therapy creates a safe space for any memories to come up, as well as how to learn how to navigate your symptoms like anxiety. And some sorts of therapy definitely do re-traumatise if you have complex PTSD. Founded in 2006, we are an award-winning group connecting you to highly experienced therapists in our London rooms and online worldwide. http://bit.ly/dealwithabuse. Yes B. However, I have ADHD and am being assessed for ASD, both of which have symptoms that could cause some of the shit Im going through. I feel disgusting and I think the only thing Im good for is to be used by others. even to this day i try so hard to remember anything cuz i feel so gross when i think of that night, but the most i can remember is him scratching my back then it all goes black. Im scared maybe my stepdad did something to me. Again Im sorry for this being so long, Ive just never been able to come out with these feelings to anyone before. Its actually very common for children to experiment a little with each other. Obviously you are suffering from extreme trust issues. I am more than sure I was sexually abused as a kid, not on many occasions, but I remember the two times, which I will write here, just because I want to write it somewhere where I wont be recognized, since I come from a very small country. We arent sure what age your cousin was at the time, but you might find our article on child on child sexual abuse relevant https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/child-sexual-play-abuse.htm. I have other memories of him pushing his foot or hand into my crotch on other occasions. My mom was talking about the story of why I stopped going there, and she said something that just didnt make me feel right. Any time I see any sort of rape scene on television I get so enraged and upset and cry- Im usually one to hold my feelings in very tight and never ever want to cry when others see. But what we DO know and can help is the symptoms and you have serious symptoms. We used to spend the night at my grandpas all the time. These sorts of things are hard to work through alone. So we cant say if you were abused, we dont really see high signs of it here, but we dont know you. We cant jump to conclusions about being abused. Im in a complicated moment in my life and Im unsure if I was abused at around the age of 5/6 would I remember all I know is that recently I have looked at Illicit pictures and videos of children under the age of 18 and I know I hate myself for it, the police recently arrested me for links to it and I can safely say it is the horror of my life to be associated with it, I dont find children attractive on the day to day, but occasionally when Im trying to crush my depression in the fog of alcohol I have looked and downloaded and felt sick after watching it, I know something happened sexually early on in life for me at around 5/6 years old is it possible that these early experiences have fractured my mind into a vulgar way of thinking, I wont survive prison if that is what it comes to, Im barely handling the shame and self hatred I already feel, I dont want to be this dark person I feel alcohol makes me I want to be normal and live a fulfilling life, But I feel that quickly becoming an impossibility. I just feel so crazy and I have anxiety, depression and paranoia. Secondly, the mind is a tricky beast. I was told it was just a thing between him and I a special bond and no one should know because it wouldnt be so special anymore. is there a reason i am this way? So definitely dont ignore! If you are scared to talk to the adults around you about needing some support, we have an article about how to talk to parents about mental health http://bit.ly/talktoparents. Although we would say that the best place to look at it would be with professional support. So you can stop thinking that and cut yourself some slack. What should I do? Im afraid of meeting/seeing him again. Unfortunately your half sister did something you didnt like, and you didnt feel you had the power to say anything or protect yourself. As a child I always have a foggy memory about being abused I mean how could a child know about these kinds of things at the time Growing up I started fetishizing submissive and rape relationships and I even build caracters in my brain who are in a submissive relationship I HATE sex and i dont want to think of being held but as a child I remember often doing things to myself I dont have any traumatic feelings when I see that person in real life now and I dont remember it hurting or anyhting back then Im so confused .. how do I know if I was abused or if it was nothing ? Thats all I remember and the thing I found weird is that I think its all in my head but every time he comes over to my house or if I see him at a party I avoid him and feel a bit anxious or weary. When in a sex ed type thing, we were shown these pictures of STDs, etc and I got this horrible feeling like I was going to pass out and I started panicking for seemingly no reason. Take actions that keep you safe and help you feel better. There is no therapist with the magical answer to fix you. I kept hearing the noises of me humping this Scooby Doo pillow-like thing I humped when I was younger. I dont know if my dad ever did anything to me because from the age of 6 and older, I had formed some really solid memories and I never remember him doing anything to me. I cant afford therapy, so Im trying to find some answers Specifically one that is not biased for any reason, including working in sexual abuse. Now the point of having a therapist is to bring up anything at all that is troubling you. Instead of focussing on whether or not its common, what about focussing on reaching out for some support on this? Noah, we cant say. Then she said I was just looking for validation. Both the English teacher I admired and the Science teacher I kind of had a bit of a crush on saw A. come out of the boys bathroom, followed by me, crying. Hi everyone. My mom gets mad at me because I feel uncomfortable changing in front of her. Around the last time we did, Im almost certain I went spent the night without my sister. Do you have other symptoms of sexual abuse? I want to trust her, and I want to let those feelings go, but I dont know how. i told her last night i saw him two summers ago bc he does construction and i havent seen him in awhile he called my name while i was walking down a hill and i froze.. honestly truly i looked at him and i was stuck. You can also look on forums to see how other people are managing, find a local support group, and/or read self-help books on dealing with sexual abuse. The brain is complicated, and the way the brain decides on what is traumatic or not is highly individual. City of London Our mission is to improve emotional wellbeing through therapy and educational resources, for those who cannot access therapy services. There are other pieces of the puzzle, but it all definitely points to abuse. That went on until I was 13 (I think, I cant really remember that either) and I always have this flashback to one day when he was in my room and all the lights were off and he whispered something and I felt terrified and thats all I remememver. I mean, could I even call it being molested? Try to take a deep breath and focus on what is around you right now. Many of us never have clear memories. bit.ly/dealwithabuse. I know I should not and I know I mean nothing to him, but I cant help myself he is the only thing I have on the planet and I do not count him a friend because he is a secret and I only ever see him for an hour at a time for sex. You are at a crisis point, your mind is running over tiny details again and again which is a sign of high anxiety, you admit you are even paranoid around your own family, and you are considering doing more self abusive things (talking to older men you dont like). I cannot insert my fingers into my vagina as I feel queasy doing it. i came online to search for signs your great grandfather stuck his penis into your mouth at an age too early to remember.i am thinking this must be a very common thing or at least in the old days before birth controlas the opening of a baby crying for its mom is exactly a warm inviting spot for an old man who had a very controlling wife and not allowed to have sex during his lifetime much on his own termsi have only symptoms which i could lay out for you here but i dont want to waste the time I need to find information which talks about thismust be a very common thing that has happened to young toddlers when left alone at grandma or great grandmas am i right? I have been wondering for years now whether I am suppressing something that happened to me or whether it just my parents inability to show love and/or being bullied as a child that left me with these scars and personality problems? Sexual Harassment Quizzes & Trivia - ProProfs I suppose my questions are related to whether its ok to say, Im pretty sure I was abused, when I really have no clear memory? Thanks for reading. bit.ly/mentalhelplines. We hope you find some support with this, and thank you for your brave sharing. My abuse was sexual, physical and emotional from many abusers. I myself battled addictions to substances for years. Child Sexual Abuse Awareness & Prevention- FP Pt9. Because if you are not comfortable you can say no. These sorts of situations can leave us struggling against hidden shame and confusion, and they are hard to figure out alone. I thought I overcame and that Ive moved on. Hi Magali, have a read through the comment stream. I remember after every time it happened I would feel disgusting the next day. If you are by chance in our country, the UK, you can find a list of places to call here http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines. Fast forward 30 years later. I do watch Law and Order: Special Victims Unit so maybe Im making it up but I just dont think so. I also have sex fantasies of being raped and in them I like it, which is scary. Abuse can lead to long term complex trauma, and certain types of therapy will just trigger you over help you. Play these sexual harassment quizzes as a party game or just have binge session for yourself. For instance, I remember my sister and I playing a card game where you would have to lose a piece of clothing for each round you lost, and I lost, and somehow, I ended up in a closet naked, and my father found me in there. Is there a school counsellor, would your mother help you find a counsellor, or, if you are already working, does your workplace provide insurance for sessions with a therapist? Wed highly, highly recommend you reach out for help. It was just us two which was unusual because we normally werent that close as he was three years older and my sisters best friend. Yes B. Nowadays therapist all over the world can work with you. I was thinking about the legitimacy of what I was saying since im rather forgetful sometimes and i started to think about what me and my sister had done as when i was around 5 or 6. and i paused. I dont know when the right time would be to have this discussion and Im not sure if I even need to bring it up in order to have a stronger relationship. We need support and a strong commitment to ourselves to process it. Am I just overthinking? Read our article for many ideas on finding low cost help here http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. I doubt myself because I was drunk and sometimes your mind can make things up (Im also an artist with a vivid imagination) My uncle is very caring and loving but he was also a drug addict and maybe did something when he wasnt sober but I dont want to blame anything on anyone because I dont know for sure. I am more confused than Ive ever been. I would put myself in sexual situations with men even when I didnt necessarily want sex. I used to regularly have very sexual dreams where I really want to have sex but cant (usually due to being interrupted by others). For example, you talk about violent abusive fantasies. I cant, and never will tell anyone, until now. I was never sure he liked me and thought that the only way I could show him that I loved him was through sex, even when I did not want to. I didnt know what happened next but all I can remember is that I never went to his house to play again and I never see him again when I play outside. I think Ive been abused, but Im not sure. I used to get recurring dreams of a man chasing me and I lose my voice when I cry for help in those dreams. Will it ever be okay? Did you choose these therapists yourself? I became depressed last year when my Dad applied for release even though before that my Dad being in prison hadnt bothered me as such. I am not trying to make excuses for my crime, I just am wondering if the depression could be a contributing factor. I tried to forget that moment, but now, after so many years it is haunting me. There is absolutely nothing wrong or strange with being terrified of sex and not wanting to have it or not having had it at 21. Anon is not my name because I would like to remain anonymous. I would always feel ashamed and afraid of sex and especially men. It all got slightly uncomfortable for me when he downloaded some mods for some games we would play lots, like the sims 4 and skyrim. The connection is so high that some psychologists debate if these disorders exist at all or are really just manifestations of trauma, with some calling to rebrand BPD as complex trauma. Yes B. His mom was my moms aunt. Grab Now! A good therapist can help you get to the root of all this anxiety. A normal sex drive is whatever and whenever you want to have sex, there is no measure except what you feel comfortable with. I only touch her arms and back when were at it. It could be that it happened, it could be a mix of memories, it could be something you watched in a film, or happened in a dream even, who knows. Nothing ever made sense, still doesnt. direct physical force, a threat of force, coercion, or somehow taken advantage of). She was 4 years older and curious and insosted that we stay and watch, while I really just wanted to go home, since I got terribly scared. I have nightmares about him in that bathroom, and Im afraid of going to the restroom at school. At the very least some counselling could help you with your esteem and your sense of trust. Its nothing to do with you, not remotely your fault, and it doesnt make you weird. If they are, even accidentally, I freak out. I usually never say no to my boyfriend when it comes to sex, even if i dont want to have it. Some people are uncertain if they are abused or not, so that's where this quiz may come in.